The Use of Logic

Just be beware to what is the logic of using ER- cells for tamaxifen or estrogen studies. These cells do not have ER.Why these drugs?

Before I elaborate on this statement made to me by the Post doc that's working with me, let me first say that my presentation went off without a hitch. I got some really good feedback although I was collecting data up until 30 mins before the start, but in the end it was good day with LOTS of great food!

Now about the previously mentioned statement, let me state without equivocation that I'm more strongly leaning toward focusing on medical school ONLY right now, than I've been in over 10 years. At 41, I'm simply exhausted with having to prove myself over and over and over and over and over again as if I've never conducted research before in my entire life! So if I say to someone that I plan to look into using estrogen receptor agonist and antagonists in cell lines that have no estrogen "receptor" (turns out there are more than was originally thought) then basic common sense should tell you that I must have read something in the literature that leads me to want to go in this direction. In other words, I don't pull research hypotheses out of my arse so a more "logical" question would have been, why do you want to use these drugs?

In light of the estrogen bruhaha, I can admit that there are a number of different issues with why after almost 2 years, I've NEVER been in a comfortable cancer research "zone" for long. And sometimes I think it's because after a successful stint at the NIH, my expectations for people are extremely high. In fact, I was kidded/warned by a few higher ups at the NIH about doing research at a certain school because of all the political "landmines". But hey, Imma turn a lemon into lemonade kinda gal so I'm thinking I'll be OK and I am and I will be. But I'm also now more motivated toward getting my MD ASAP and perhaps that's not a bad thing! Right now, I've seen more backstabbing, over aggressive competitiveness and professonal dishonesty recently than I've seen in.....you know I can't recall the last time I worked around a bunch of "professonally challenged" folks before in 20 years! In other words, I KNOW why so many folks choose MD over PhD (especially URM's)and why although I love doing research, my advice to ANY URM would be to get your MD and then do research so if you can't tolerate the low paying/opportunity BS, you can always be a Clinician instead. Of course, there are political landmines in clinical medicine too, but working with and helping people can sometimes "make up" for that, IMHO. Or maybe that's just it, at least that's what EVERYONE who knows me says, my personality is "under utilized" being in the lab because lab folks....... well lets' just say that they are a unique breed that my bubbly persona has often felt deflated by.

In other news, the fracture in my foot has healed but because I haven't let it rest as instructed by my doctor, I'm now dealing with nerve damage. So once again, I'm instructed to stay off the foot for an additional 4 weeks which is a real bummer. My second research project is just now starting to get off to a good start, but I'll have to figure out a way to get a few things done anyway.

Tell you what I have learned in the past year. Not everyone who initially comes off negatively is an enemy, and definitely NOT everyone who initially comes off like a friend is a REAL friend. I've also realize how much I miss interacting with patients/Clinicians and being in the clinic. All I know is that after 20 off and on again years, I'm sick and tired of dealing with it all the "stuff" in bench research (that is without the Dr title since people with it seem to enjoy it a little better when they are Dr), so bring on the MCAT in early June and Medical Physiology in mid June! The class of 2013 is in the hizouse!

Dam, Dam, Dam!

So this is going to be a bitchin post where I pretty much bitch about almost everything in my life.

1)It will be a miracle IF I get the data ready for my presentation next Wednesday. 2of the 4 cells lines I'm using were contaminated thanks to one of my lab mates using my media and essentially contaminating it. And the molecular weight marker I need to run my gels won't be available until May 9, 2 weeks AFTER my presentation. I will try again to borrow some from another lab but one rather unfortunate thing I'm starting to notice about both my group and some of the adjacent labs is that folks ain't all that friendly.

2)I HAVE to schedule myomectomy surgery for some time in early to mid-May. The only good thing about this is that the anesthesia used to induced sleep, is by far the BEST sleep I've EVER had.

3)Gas is over $4.00 per gallon and that's a COMPLETE rip off! I'm back to using the metro and riding the bus because I REFUSE to fund the gas execs summer homes in the Caribbean. That's going to add about 1.5 hours to my daily commute but I'm not mad about that. I just feel blessed that I don't have to choose between gas and food, or gas and some other necessity. Changing habits by choice is a far better and blessed place to be.

4)My MCAT prep in verbal is down to a 10 after reaching a high of 14.

Ok, I think I'm done now!

I know why the caged bird sings??

This week is one in which I felt like giving up on finishing a PhD before I finish medical school. Why? After 20 years in the research game, it becomes increasingly difficult to essentially be insulted/have my experiences treated as if I just walked into a lab yesterday.

You may recall the PI under whom I'm to learn a new technique. Well, I spent a few days ago, having to reprove my original hypothesis which is of course, based of sound research data. 7 years ago, he tried something similar and got no results. First of all, I believe he was looking at the wrong receptor (THAT didn't go over well despite my best smhoozing). And second, antibodies from that particular company were and in some cases still are not considered to be very good.

You know sometimes I think my ideas are so good that people think I couldn't possibly know what the hell I'm talking about. Irronically, I can't the number of times when after doing a presentation, I've been addressed as "Doctor" or assumed to be a Post-Doc. Not bragging, but it is, what it is. The thing is that NO person of color would go half-cocked into a PI's face without having turned over every rock looking for anything that might dispute their hypothesis. This week, I felt like "I'm too old to be dealing with this shit!" on with the MD and to hell with the rest!

But of course, I had my reality check about the great need for my research when I checked my email and in my in box was a message from the cousin my age (41) with advanced breast cancer. So when I finish with this post, I'll finish working on my poster presentation. Can't think of a better way to spend a beautiful Friday afternoon!

I wanna dance with somebody??

This past weekend I went home to North Carolina ( My adopted home) to celebrate the birthday the mother, my aunt, of my closet cousin whom I think of as a sister. Man, I didn't know birthday parties could be such work! I ran around from the time I got there on Thursday until late the night of the party, 2 days later. It ended up being a lot of fun and would have been more fun had my sister better planned the party, but we enjoyed it anyway.

My family is known to be very humerous, despite a family history which includes the death of both my greatgrand father and grandfather at the hands of an "angry mob" which included local law enforcement ( now, you know where I get my hell raising from, lol). My family is also known to suffer from many of the ailments which afflict many families including additions to drugs and alcohol, you know, you're typical dysfunctional American family. Ok, so while at the party my Aunt known for keeping people laughing so hard you "just about pee your pants" decided to "perform" a duet to Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On". Of course, the only problem was that her "partner" wasn't a person (and for clarity this isn't an Aunt that has had any substance abuse issues). Well, we all almost cried laughing at her deut "partner" and DH didn't know if he should laugh or what given that he is normally so reserved and he wasn't sure if she had had a drink too many. I'm guess I'm glad his parents weren't there too, lol!! See the photo for details.



Anyway, I was pretty exhausted when we returned Sunday afternoon but was glad I had seen my family. Of course, I was pretty shocked to learn a few days later that the very large can of beans I dropped on my foot preparing for the party had fractured my toe. So unfortunately, I'll have to retire my stilettos for the next 6 weeks but it's all good. Things could have been a LOT worse andit was worth it to be home again!