Back and forth!!!!

I couldn't think of a title for my post today so I settled on this symbol of back and forth. For the record no, I don't see myself in this mode of thinking between PhD or MD, going on forever. But can't believe it's been over 2 weeks since my last entry. So much is going on, I don't know where to begin!!

I'll start with school stuff. I have an exam in Molec. Physio tomorrow that I'm definitely ready for and a paper due on Wednesday. Since I'm preparing for a 12 hours drive to southern Georgia on either Tues or Weds at 3 AM, I decided to turn my paper in on Monday or Tuesday. And in my typical two for one fashion, I decided to pick a topic that's relevant for both my job and school, as in the paper I have due. The topic deals with an infectious agent that has potential use as a biological weapon so I can't go into many details, but I'm certainly enjoying reading journals articles and thinking of a hypothesis to test. As it stands, I'm the first in my group to start their own project which if things go well, I'll get to present next Fall at a national meeting (OK, that's REALLY a stretch!!). Anyhoo, to say I'm excited about it is an understatement!! :)

Speaking of research, I attended a dissertation defense last week, and after hearing him talk about everything he went through to get to that point, I was simply reminded of how much I really am NOT interested in doing a PhD. Sure I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, research but I always end up coming to the conclusion that if I gotta deal with being stressed the hell out, I may as well deal with it in something I'm really passionate about and motivated to do like medical school. Because it occurred to me yet again, that NONE of my career options are going to be easy, not a single one. Sure, it'll be great to pull a six figure income while completing a PhD but because of the demands of both, I'm still gonna be tired all the time. Which means I may as well be tired all the time in medical school.

Jobwise, this is a very exciting time since I, along with my supervisor, are responsible for building a new division at the University where I currently work. Of course, there's a tremendous amount of pressure involved with it and there's so much I'm learning and have to know, but still it's very exciting for me and I've grown so much professionally. In a way in my position as Director, is kinda similar to newly minted MD's, when someone asks for the Doctor and you, the Doctor, look around to see who they're talking about, LOL!!! And because I'm the youngest one of the 4 of us, I feel a little more pressure to be on point with my work related duties.

Movin' on, I met with my academic advisers again last week who by now probably think I'm schizophrenic LOL, and told them that I'm just not "feeling" finishing a PhD like I am med school. The thing is that I've gone back and forth so much that it's all about actions now. Once I get through this semester, I'll be free and clear to focus on studying for the MCAT and STILL plan to sit for the exam no later than May of next year. In the meantime, I'll continue in my current gig for the next at least 2 years, saving as much as I can, doing great work, and hopefully publishing in the near future. With my classes for my degree out of the way, I'll have the opportunity to do more volunteer work beyond my advisory committee duties beginning next Spring. But of course, I'll still be taking at least one class a semester in Bioterrorism just to "stay in the know" and to finish my certificate. However, the pressure of being in a degree program will be essentially OFF!!! Yeah!!!!

Now usually, I'm never one to "rush time" but I have to tell you, January 2010 can't come quickly enough for me!!! I'm just ready to write up my thesis, finish my degree, then get back on this MD or bust bandwagon feeling so much better with the idea now that I have a more reasonable timeline given the complexities of my everyday life!!! :)

30 hour day?

It occurred to me this morning that for only the second time in my professional/academic life, I'm exhausted doing something I really love! The other time was when I was enrolled in med school courses full-time. Of course the problem is that many things, like household chores fall by the way side which has me thinking about hiring someone to do some basic cleaning. And that could work except the idea of someone cleaning my sink with the same cloth used to wipe down the toilet seat is enough to put that idea to rest, LOL!!!

This past week I had my second "challenge" since I was appointed director and with every "challenge" I realize that my "skills" are greatly improving. Of course, this little lesson cost me many, many hours of work and almost $700 in fees but luckily, my supervisor was pretty cool about things. And I will NOT be "played" on this particular issue again, especially not by a graduate student. The net result was that we had to amend how we do business because trying to get over isn't lost on highly educated, smart people (which I should have already known). But to get played the way I did by a Black woman makes me far more angry than I would normally be. No, I'm not really playing the race card here, but the fact is that there are too few Black women in medical science/research, so to see one be flippant about using people is pretty sad. Me, I try not to burn bridges because I say you never know who you may end up working for, but this young chick doesn't get that........yet. Chances are very good she's going to need our services again, but I suspect she'll look to an outside group to do it for her. If she brings us more work in the future, I'll do it of course as I'm not one to turn down income for my group, but she'll need to sign off on EVERYTHING before I do ANYTHING again.

Moving on, I think it's safe to say that my MCAT studying is going to have to be put off until next Spring. I simply don't have the energy or time to put in 100% effort with an already tight schedule. In fact, I'm wondering how I'm going to get through what I do need to do this semester because some days, I just wish there were more hours in the day. Especially on the weekends, LOL!!! :)

I HATE peaches (and Georgia!!)

So after flunking my first molec physio exam (a "C" is a flunking grade in grad school), I realized that I finally have a regular study schedule. GREAT! Now I only have to make A's on the next twp exams to get a "B" in the class, LOL!! Oh well, that's the way it goes................

I also made reservations for a family get together this Thanksgiving in southern Georgia, where my mother retired 5 years ago. And because SOMEONE always clowns at family gatherings, my sister and I decided to reserve a suite a local hotel. In other words, I'm NOT in the mood for any foolishness and I need to get some rest. And anyone reading my blog knows how much I despise the South and ALL that it represents so I'll have to suck it up later this month to enjoy my visit.

Other news in my life is that I have a facebook page (sorry I need to keep my private life private) and it's been a blast touching base with people from high school. I realized that for whatever reason, I've made few friends since high school, as in people I regularly keep in touch with and I'm not sure why. I do have a problem trusting people, so maybe that plays a role, but I guess I'm not that open to people especially as I get older.

Speaking of getting older, I've got so much silver in my hair (thanks to my Native American heritage) I finally had to get it professionally colored. In the meantime, I get a kick out of allowing people to think I'm in my early 30's and one person even asked to see my driver's license, LOL!!

Ok I'd better get to bed before I have bags under my eyes to go with my silver hair!

YIKES!!!

So now my hair is starting to fall out and I barely have my sanity! Okay, so my hair really isn't falling out but I MUST be going insane to have even attempted the schedule I have now. EVERDAY last week, takeout was the order of the day for dinner and I personally like to cook! So this week,I decided to spend most of Sunday cooking a few meals to get me satrted for the week. I still may have to do take out on Thur and Fri, but that's Okay since we normally do take out on Friday anyway.

Other news, I didn't do ANY MCAT review last week and was pretty occupied with work and school and the new challenge in my life, deciding on which new car to get. Turns out my non dealer mechanic (BAD move) decided to screw up my transmission a few months ago now it's pretty much shot and I have to decide to get a new one or buy another car. The car is almost paid off so that's why I'm considering getting it repaired and keeping it, but I haven't exactly kept the car up like I should, so I've picked out a few to test drive over the next few days. Then I'll have to make a decision which is hard because I haven't found a mechanic I can trust to work on the old car so I'm leaning toward not getting the same brand car again. I have received some recs on some other dealers but when I think about it, who's to say that the same thing isn't going to happen again? Just because Jane Doe has a great expereince with a dealership repair shop doesn't mean I will especially in a recessions when it seems people are trying to get money by any means necessary. Man, life was so much easier when the Metro was my primary mode of transportation!!!