Thank you!

Just a brief post to thank all my many silent but loyal readers, for checking in with me through my zig zag course toward the MD.

And to all my readers, have a safe and happy holiday!! See you all in 2010!!!!

MCAT 2010, Day 1

So I'm counting today as my first real day for MCAT studying although I've been doing a bit here and there for the last month or so. But today, is the start of CONSISTENT prep for this bad boy so I can FINALLY put it behind me!!!

I'm starting with Physics more for mental reasons than anything else. This has traditionally been my weakest area, so I'm going to put THAT opinion behind me and shoot for being at the top of my game in ALL subjects areas.

Today's review started with my best friends Trignometry and vectors. So bring in on baby, bring it on, LOL!!!!

I can transform you? NOT!!!

One of the very cool things about having a child who's intrigued by mechanical toys is that they always want cool toys for Christmas. That my mechanically inclined kid is a girl, makes it even more cool to me!

So when she asked for one of the transformer toys for Christmas, we happily ablidged. But when I got stuck with trying to change the thing (Opps, I mean Bumble-Bee) from being a transformer back into a car, I realized why I decided against becomeing an Engineer all those many years ago! The reviews on this toy were mixed primarily because of the difficulty in converting the thing back and forth but since my daughter usually puts these type of toys together without looking at instructions I figureded she's have no problem. Well SHE doesn't have a problem, but I do, LOL!!! Anyway, I almost have it put together so I'll post a picture when I get it done.

In other news, I started my MCAT review with basic math which will be followed by Physics. And I mean BASIC math, manipulating large numbers, decimals, ect all those things that if not done quickly and accurately can mean disaster on the MCAT.

School wise, I'm just ready to be done. I should be more excited since I'm graduating from such a great school but these past 2 years have left me somewhat disillusioned about med/grad school. I imagine that these feelings are normal but I often wonder how much my age has to do with it especially since I could keep the job I have and be satisfied long term. Sometime I ask myself, am I being "greedy" because I want to push myself both personally and professionally when there are so many underpaid, disgruntled people both in training to become Physicians and in Science in general? Or do I owe it to myself to leave no stone untruned when it comes to my professional and personal happiness?

I keep telling myself to go for it with the additonal cavaet to not waste ANY time. For me, that's going to mean changing some aspects of my "environment" so that I create as conducive a situation as I can, eliminating ALL negative/distractions or as many as I can. Next year is going to be BIG for me, and I'm going to do everything I can to see that vision become reality! :)

Let it snow, let it snow, what the hell, 22 inches of snow??

So I spent this past weekend alone (YEAH!!!!!) and snowed in, double yeah, LOL!!! You would think that a person born in Cali and raised in Fla would HATE the snow but I'm the exact opposite because I enjoy having seasons. My daughter is over a friends house building igloos, sledding (yeah I bet ya'll didn't know black folks sled too, lol), and probably eating more junk food than she should. Plus I think her school is going to be closed tomorrow so she's sure to enjoy this little snow break.

Of course, all this time to myself gave/is given me a lot of time to read (the latest book by Robin Cook which of course includes Pathologists as main characters) and time to think over my career. I guess you can say that I'm a little disappointed that I won't be able to earn my PhD on this gig because I felt like I had a very good project, but the project that has taken it's place is just as interesting. Basically, I went from an infectious agent project to one involving the brain and it's ironic that this new project is in line with my newly founded interest in neuropathology. Actually, it's not all that new since I used to shadow a Neuropatholgist at the NIH and also had some previous exposure to the field when my Father had a stoke years ago.

Movin' on, my plan this break is to get my mind in order so I can be throughly prepared when I take the MCAT next year and I've got a LOT of work to do. One the one hand, my molec physio course has prepared me for the type of questions that will be on the MCAT but so much of the basics I'm going to need to review. Class wise, I've decided on 2 seminar courses instead of one seminar and one course, which will allow me to complete my degree requirements and not be too stressed out from school that I won't be able to study for the MCAT. Not sure what it is, but something feels different about this plan and I'm guessing that a lot of it has to do with how much more peace I have in my personal life. The other very big part of it is that I think my daughter is at a great place for me to really focus on my career without feeling like I'm not providing for her needs as well.

Ok, I'm going to finish enjoying my rare weekend of peace!!! Stay warm!!!

I'll take the "scripper scrapper" thank you very much!

So my semester from hell is O-V-E-R!!! Woooooooohooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Now I just have to get back to running a lab, LOL!!!!

At this point I would LOVE to talk about how "interesting" a meeting I attended with some folks on my job was the other day, but I know to say what I really wanted to say could be career suicide. Let's just say that I'm almost certain that I will NOT be able to earn my PhD while on this job and you know what?? That's quite OK because that wasn't my first choice option anyway.

Fast forward to today when I visited the campus of the 5 year MD program I applied to earlier this year and just happened to run into the man who sunk my application. And his words to me only reiterated what I had decided after I left that job meeting on Monday. He said "Get a 27 on the MCAT, and you'll get the interview". So I'm saying to myself, "what, no 5 year MD program for me"?? Then I remembered what he said when he interviewed me for the program which was "I don't see what this program can do for you". So in light of what he said to me today, that other statement makes sense. Or does it?

I've been told many, many times that I'm "ready" to pursue an MD and I have to admit that I've struggled believing it especially recently due to some of the craziness in my personal life which I'm happy to say is significantly better. So along these lines, what I did after I left that meeting with the job folks was to schedule a visit to an open house at one of the many med schools that recruited me back in the day. My time frame would still be at least 2 years and no more than 5, however now I'm thinking Fall of 2011 may fit just fine.

There's a movie called the Ditch Digger's daughters which talks about the struggle the parents of 5 girls made to ensure their kids would become doctors (it's actually a very good book and movie). One of the daughter's is an MD/PhD, one is a Dentist, another is an MD, and the last "doctor" in the family is a PhD (earned in her 40's incidentally). When the girls are growing up, the father referees to the stethoscope as a "scipper, scrapper" and tells them they should all aspire to become Physicians so they can wear one. I LOVE research and believe myself to be a damn good Scientist (although I was recently reminded that I'm not a PhD and therefore not qualified), but I'm looking forward to wearing a "scripper scrapper" around my neck one day too!! Sooner than later...................................

Which hat do I wear?

When I finally met with my professor in the Molecular Physio class to discuss my last exam, it occurred to me that part of the problem I was having (besides ahaving taken to many classes this semester) was that I wasn't thinking about the questions in the way I should have been. Much of what I'm studying in this class was covered in a Medical School course I took ( I earned a "B") which meant that material was very familiar. The difference is/was that my med school exams were multiple guess (Ok, I meant multiple choice) and I don't know how it works for most people, but I don't take multiple choice exams with the same mindset as short answer, true/false exams. Of course, I should have had this revelation after my first exam, but better late than never, LOL!!! At any rate, it occurred to me that I needed to put my "Scientist" hat on if I'm going to do as well on the final as I know I can do which obviously wont' be a problem now.

Other things going on is that like most of America, I'm preparing for the Christmas holidays and have decided NOT to take anymore 1000+ drives, LOL!! Right now, I'm thinking of meeting my Mother in NC which is where most of my mother's family lives. Still, that's going to mean a 6-7 hour ride and since my back STILL hurts from the last trip, I'll probably pass on riding down. I just don't feel like driving ever again in life, at least not that far anyway.

Job wise everything is everything, and my division is getting busier and busier as the weeks go by. And after going back and forth, I've also decided to go ahead and apply for the PhD program in Bioterrorist Agents/Infectious Disease. My decision was based in large part on the fact that not much in my life these days has gone as I planned (though I'm NOT complaining) and that riding out opportunities as they arrive seems to be working quite well for me. I have to admit that professionally speaking I'm the happiest I've ever been at least, I'm as happy as I was when I was enrolled in the medical school full-time. And with all the craziness going on in the world, I've decided to take my happiness and run while I can! What I also decided to do was look at my life 5 years from now when I plan to be in med school and though to myself, suppose I'm NOT in medical school. I would regret not having finished my PhD in that time when it was: 1) essentially free and 2) I had the opportunity throught my job to do so. So again, this is more about seizing opprotunities I have today because tomorrow is promised to no one!

Please pass the chitterlins!

I know that I, of all people, shouldn't be bragging about how busted my diet was over the Thanksgiving break, but I am. And besides the Shoney's breakfast buffet I had everyday I was out of town (which I rarely ever eat), I had chittlin's every night at dinner. Now for the uninformed, chittlerin's or chittlin's (or "shitllins, LOL) are pig intestines which became part of the Black american diet during slavery. I try to only eat them once a year at one meal, but this year I decided to out do myself and have them everyday, for 6 straight days!

So when I ended up at my breast doctors office earlier today complaining of extreme breast pain (too much caffeine and stress), I wasn't surprised to see my blood pressure be 35 points higher than it normally is! My "normal" is around 100 over 70, so when I saw 135, I almost had a stroke............... LITERALLY!!!! I've heard Docs say it's the diastolic number that's most important, but that was also elevated15 points (which I know isn't much to worry about).

But then wouldn't YOU be stressed if you had driven 1025 miles the day before? So that's 2050 miles in less than a week! Hell, I could'a driven to Cali and really made my trip worth while. WTH was I thinking???? Trust me, I will NEVER do this $hit again...EVER!!! The plan was to take my time getting down there, shopping at outlets along the way then stay over night at a hotel. But after getting up at 4AM to drive those 1000+ miles, I was too hyped up to rest and extra caffeine for a person with ADD is just contraindicated for getting rest,lol!

Overall, it was a great Thanskgiving and there were MANY moments when I was thankful my sister suggested we stay in a hotel (which we did in granite shower style :)!!). But talk about family drama! It was nice to just eat and sa-shay right out the door to a place of peace!!

I got my test results back and got a B- and I'm doing my happy dance because this class is kicking my ass!! But I wouldn't have it any other way!! My job project is also going well and so "were" my other job duties. That is until a Puerta Rican post Doc got her panties in a bunch due to her poor reading skills. Unfortunately, this ended up being another case of "run to Path201X's boss over some trival $hit" when your PI digs in your butt because your experiments don't work. No problem, I've already learned the hard way that cover my a$$ has to be my new nickname, so everything turned out OK in the end. Now you may be asking why did I have to call out her nationality? Well, the reason is because the folks that have been the bane of my existence as a newly minted director are minorities, so pardon me if I take a pass when folks try to always blame white racism for all their problems in Science and Medicine. No, people of color need to stop acting like crabs in a bucket then maybe we'll ALL see some significant progress.

Speaking of progress, I decided to pick up with my MCAT studying this week since I've only got a non cumulative final exam to take in the next 2 weeks and I'll post some progress by Sunday.

OK, I think that sums up my Thanksgiving break and hopefully all my readers enjoyed their time off (however great or small) as much as I did! :)