Orgo, Orgo, where art thou Orgo???

** I guess someone didn't like me using their "I like it in the back" picture of an electrophile, drawn with dipole moments assigned LOL!!!!

By pretty much covering my year 1 Orgo in 4 days, I can't decide when I look at the pic with this post, whether or not what the teeshirt is saying is a "good" thing or a "bad" thing, LOL!!! What's even crazier is that once upon a time, I flunked Orgo 1&2, repeated both and STILL got "D's". Fast forward a couple years after that and not only was I having NO issue with either class, I tutored the subject during my senior year as a Chem major.

So I guess all that means is that the message on the shirt is a "good" thing..................I think!!!

Same "ish, different toilet, LOL!!

I got this quote from my niece's Facebook page (minus the explicative) and let's just say that this has been pretty characteristic of my employment situations since ~2009. In some ways, my current job is turning out to be NO exception while in others, I feel like I'm back down south again. ANYONE you see in the hallway speaks, holds doors open, ect. and this is absolutely wonderful to a Southern girl like me.

As for my job this particular week, all I have to say is this: 682 days and counting. It's still overall a great opportunity, with great pay, AMAZING benefits and I'm obviously VERY thankful. However a research job in academia would have been perfect-er especially considering I was never once accused of trying to be a Pathologist or of speaking too much in "pathology language" but alas, it appears there's something God wants me to get/learn at this phase of my life/career. And I'm guessing we're back to my elephant skin post, LOL!!! In the meantime, I need to accept that at this point NOTHING will be as acceptable to me as matriculating in med school, so I'm gonna do my best to chill out on the complaining in the future.

Back to the MCAT, I put in 11 hours yesterday and will have about the same today. My weekday schedule is going to change because my kid starts school tomorrow, so I'll have at least 6 hours/day during the week (and plenty of leftovers to go around so NO cooking during this time, LOL!!). And I'm gonna need all the time I can get as there are a few subjects I haven't covered yet, though I'm thrilled I've covered my most difficult subjects 2 and even 3 times at this point.

Again, my posts are going to be short between now and Sept. 10, but I'll try to post as often as is feasible!

Do you wanna dance, or do you wanna dance????

This is a line/scene from one of my all time favorite movies, the Thomas Crown Affair starring Pierce Bronsen. And these days, the line is more than appropriate in my life.

Given my occasionally chronic GI issues (gotta work on being more meds compliant), occasional sore knees, and the overall exhaustion of being a woman with a family who also works fulltime at a reasonably stressful but rewarding career, I've had to ask myself the question do I REALLY plan to see this med school thing through to the end. And when I go to work and realize some of the limitations I have not being a Pathologist, but reading slides very well, the limitations I experienced being a lab director without "Dr." in front of my name, I realize the answer on my most exhausted day (today) is an emphatic HELL YEAH!!!!!!

And now that the word "easy" is starting to cross my mind more and more as I'm reviewing for the MCAT, I'm starting to really see that the light at the end of the tunnel is indeed NOT a train, LOL!!!

SO with that, I'm going to end this post because I'm a little late with my MCAT review tonight!

Cat trick!

Just a VERY quick post today before my 20 minuite nap which will be immediately be followed by MCAT study until ~11PM.

Job is going well but I'm still cautiously optimistic about my future there (until med school, that is).

MCAT study is REALLY ramped up and I'm still on track to be very well prepared by Sept. 10.

The cat in the pic is my "youngest" doing a trick for my daughter.

And with that, I'm off to catch a few evening Z's!!

"You could have a long term career here if you wanted it"

Well those are words I haven't heard in a VERY long time, LOL!! And it's especially nice when they come from your new Supv!

One week into my new gig and I've been assigned a project which has an abstract due in 2 weeks. And I have to present this first author project in the form of a poster in front of company big wigs in October. Needless to say this is HUGE and not just because the opportunity to publish comes along with it, but because this is exactly what I LOVE doing and WANT to be doing right now. I was also personally commended by my Supv's, Supv for the work that I've done so far which has essentially just boiled down to reading ~75 papers and determining biomarkers that may be of interest as potential therapeutic products.

MCAT studying is going well and I can hardly believe that one month from now, I'll have the beast FINALLY slayed!!! For whatever reason (probably the short amount of time I have left, LOL), everything is coming together really nicely in terms of my performance on the passages (I rarely miss more than 2 in any 6 or 7 question passage) and my movement throughout each of the subjects. I've finally adapted to working then coming home to study but as I get more into my job, it is getting a little difficult to stay motivated to study say harmonic motion after I've read papers describing the signaling mechanisms involved in CD4 T-helper cell activation earlier that day. But then I remind myself that I MUST get through steroisomers and whatnot to get to the stuff I'm REALLY interested in and that's usually enough to snap me out of MCAT study boredom into action.

Stay in YOUR own lane, the eat YOUR own words edition, LOL!!!!

I suppose it's inevitable that a person who's taken medical school courses in Pathology and Histology (among a few others), graduate courses in Anatomy and Physiology, a course in medical terminology, and who's read more pathology reports than she can count, that when asked to describe the staining pattern of something she see's under the microscope, is going use language that sounds a LOT like that of a real Pathologist. And what I've never understood in the past 3 of the last 4 jobs I've had in the past 3/4 years, is why that seems to be such a problem for so many people. (Some of you may recall my blog entry from my last job where the toothless, physically challenged Vet/PhD exclaimed during a meeting to discuss results, "Well maybe Path201X ought to be the Pathologist". And no, the ooogly, insecure witch (that couldn't get tenure on her previous gig) didn't mean that 'ish as a compliment!!!

Well, it turns out that since 2005 when I worked for one the best Surgical Pathologists in the world I have, according to some, had a very serious case of the "you need to stay in my own lane" syndrome. And for those who don't understand the term, that's basically equivalent to someone feeling that you putt your nose in something where they believe it doesn't belong.

Now when I started my cancer research predoctoral training at the NCI/NIH using methods germane to Pathology/Histology, I was surrounded by MD and MD/PhD, DO/PhD Pathology residents and as one of few in the group without that training (I hadn't had medical histology or pathology at that point either), the learning curve was like Mount Everest. And the language I was encouraged to speak in when I was pimped during sign out or in conferences was expected to be in the "language" everyone else was speaking in. That means that while I probably could have gotten away with describing an IHC stain for CD3 in spleen as "the slide shows mainly +4 staining", things went over just a tad bit better when I said "There are areas in the red pulp which show a high degree of necrosis and are +1 and there's extensive staining (4+) in the lymphocytes of the white pulp". Normally, showing things like initiative, enthusiasm, and strong interest to learn new things is encouraged even in Industry, But rarely in my 20+ career, have I felt encouraged on the same level as "others" are to do the same with few exceptions.

Okay, racial statement alert, racial statement alert!!!!

It seems to me that EVERYONE else around me in scientific research, especially those of Asian descent, are not only encouraged to show initiative, enthusiasm, talent and strong interest, but are rewarded with accolades when they do. " Good 'ol Freddy Chin, he really works hard" or "that Susan Bhatacharrya really knows how to get in there and get the job done!!!" However, in the past 3/4 years when I've done that EXACT same thing, some of "da people" almost always ascribe words/phrases like "arrogant" or with the toothless one, "PAth201X's trying to be a Pathologist" or my all-time favorite "Path201X's trying to make me look bad" LOL?? Now why IS that??? Why wasn't my "behavior" seen as arrogance at the NIH/NCI? It wasn't arrogance the semester I spent as a visiting student at FAMU either (I just had to bring that up, I LOVE me some Rattlers, Pssssssssssssss!!!)). And while I was told I was arrogant by the woman PhD who also told me I thought I was cute when I initially worked as a Chemist in Industry, having strong mentors there helped to quickly squash that BS!!!!! However the "cute" comment stayed with me, LOL!!!!

Unfortunately, a Black person's work ethic is frequently characterized as lazy especially if you believe the hype in the media, and yeah I understand there are situations where that applies. However since 1986 when I started doing research, often the assumption for a Black person who's confident and works hard in a lab setting is that they're arrogant and occasionally trying to make others look bad, a term I hear especially about Africans these days (remember the African guy I tried to hire earlier this year? I thought he was brilliant, "they" though he was VERY arrogant and he was NOT hired). Well no offense, but if I've got 2 Master's and 2 Bachelor's and you've got an AA, exactly how difficult is it going to be for Path201X or anyone else to make you "look bad" in a professional setting if we're going head to head on a topic where we both have expertise? (Okay, that might sound a tad arrogant, LOL) . Now for clarity, I'm NOT talking about talking down to people, or making them feel as if their knowledge isn't valuable or that they have no professional contributions to make because I'm sure we all know of real life examples of people with professional skills that far exceed their educational training level. What I'm talking about is instead of feeling threatened by someone else's expertise or the fact that theymay know more than you about a particular subject, the insecure one simply get off its hatin', lazy bum and educate itself!!! Interestingly, but certainly NOT ironically, the more educated the folks are I work around are, the less often I hear "complaints" about my work ethic. And having dealt with this off and on for years on end, I'm sure that 'ish ain't no coincidence!

Which brings me to my current gig, do I "pump my brakes" as my sister would say on my professional acumen especially around the interview killer with the AA "who no speaka no pathology language", or do I say to hell with that, and do my job??? Anyone who reads my blog regularly can probably answer that for themselves, which means I'm in for yet another roller coaster ride on the J.O.B............. that is until I matriculate in med school where it seems there are PLENTY of people of ALL colors with initiative, enthusiasm, talent and a VERY strong interest in what they do.

697.......................................697 days until I start med school, God willing!

Buttocks STILL in tact!

So it's Wednesday and I'm feeling better about my new gig AKA the image in today's post! But the sad/angry face is just me getting used to working a full-time gig again. Man was I out of it, LOL!!!!As I expected, my new supervisor and I get along well so far (being fellow Chapel Hill Alumni with strong NC roots doesn't hurt), and we've already sat at the microscope together. And he's a guy, so that's 90% of the battle IMHO, LOL!!!

Turns out the interview killer had "heard through the grapevine" that I was being hired to replace her and that's why she tried to annihilate me during the interview. But that 'ish doesn't excuse her completely trashing me to the others afterwards. Hers was the ONLY vote I didn't get to be hired and maybe that's to expected given her paranoia about her job. But I also realize that's HER dumb a$$ and HER dumb 'ish, and I've got other things to focus on like achieving my personal and professional goals and objectives beginning with the MCAT next month.

Speaking of professional goals, I'm pretty sure I'm going to stick with Pathology as a professional field because after reading different blogs of Docs involved in direct patient care and doing other research, I think the stuff outside of seeing patients would work my nerves into some serious career dissatisfaction. But I also realize that I've been in the Path game since '03 so by the time I finish my training between '21-'23, I'll have a significant professional advantage that's just way too good to give up in favor of something new, however enjoyable. And the fact is that I really, really, REALLY do enjoy the field of Pathology better than anything else I've been exposed to in medicine so far. Plus I'm really good at it and it's one of the few fields where you can hone in your skills without a medical license, LOL!!!

On to the MCAT, I'm only about 70% done which means I have a LOT of work to do. So I've adopted the same mindset I'd likely have in preparing for Boards, where it seems most students only get about a month to prepare. To make sure I get everything done on time, I've set up a VERY intense schedule which pretty much takes up ALL my weekends from now until the weekend before the test, which I plan to take off. And yes, I'm confident that I'll get through the rest of it with few problems since my problems areas have been addressed and readdressed. Then addressed again, LOL!!! Once again, I'm so thankful for TBR and can't imagine what in the hell I would have done without it!!!

I'll have some eggs, toast, and a side of human buttocks?

A friend of mine asked me yesterday how I feel about starting my new gig in Big Pharma on Monday and my response was a lot like Daniel felt just before he was placed in a den full of lions. Industry jobs have always been especially challenging for me because of the petty political atmosphere that seems to be par for the course in these types of places. Ironically, the one company I did have a very positive working experience with, I visited last Friday and do this about once or twice per year. And the reason I've never tried to return there to work is because while I throughly enjoyed being a Chemist, I'm not as interested in that type of work as I am in pathology type work.

I keep telling myself God has blessed me with this opportunity for some good reason, but I struggle to know now what that reason could possible be besides the obvious. What I do know and realized at the training I went to last Thursday is that if I don't identify someone who cares enough about me to be a professional mentor, I'm gonna be screwed in the long run. And that's why I go visit old work places, I was fortunate to work for and with folks who took an interest in my professional growth and development which is why I still maintain relationships with many of them today. Honestly, I feel like my new supervisor could possibly be that next mentor, at least that's what I'm hoping. The problem is that he's only been with the company for 8 months or so, and as I've observed in Industry in the past, even his DVM/PhD having self could be "done in" by the morbidly obese interview killer with the AA degree, because she's been there over 15 years.

Moving on to MCAT stuff, I got a 1 out of 7 on one of the verbal passages in a set I completed on Thursday, LOL!!! And I guess I'm able to laugh about it because that was the ONLY passage in that group I did so poorly on. But I realized that the test isn't necessarily designed for test takers to get ALL the questions right. In fact, they probably throw in these time killers to see who will be dumb enough to actually waste precious test time on ridiculously difficult to understand/answer passages. So along with all the other verbal strategies I have, I've added moving on from a super difficult passage (which is hard as heck for me to do) and coming back to it if I have time at the end.

Now for those of you who don't know how the biblical story of Daniel in the lion's den ended, let's just say that Daniel's buttocks were NOT on the menu, but that those of his enemies were. And that's an ending I can work with!

Elephant skin, anyone?

Earlier today, I attended training sponsored by a company that makes instrumentation used in histology/pathology. And when I realize that not only is the timesheet throwing Eggplant from my last job in attendance, but also the uncle Tomasina (code for a Black woman who stabs you in the back) and the old supervisor from the job where I was fired from in 2009 for the first time in a career that goes back to 1986, I KNOW I'm gonna have an interesting day, LOL!!

They say there's 7 degree's of separation? Actually it's more like 3 or 4 in metro DC histology circles, and I came across people who knew people I'd worked with in the past over and over again today. I saw the guy that worked with me when I was Lab Director (and whom I didn't want to hire in the first place) who then quit on the second day, almost immediately after he got a whiff of the Nazi Investigator at this University.I also saw the guy who recommended me for the job where I became lab director whom I met on the job I was fired from. And his was an interesting story. Turns out the company that fired me, fired him too earlier this year and now he's pretty much being blackballed in this area where histology jobs are concerned. But the story doesn't end here. The intuition I had about the woman who grilled me during the interview for my current job, was pretty much right on point and confirmed by a number of different sources at the training today including the guy being blackballed. Lucky me!

All this brings me to Ms.P, a lady I met today who now works at the university where I was Lab director, who said this to me. When God is all up in your life,there's NOTHING the devil can do about it unless you LET him (or them). Now she said this to me because she overheard me talking about my concerns and feelings to Ms. J, a woman I think of as my Histo mentor who was also at today's training. Now I gotta be honest here, seeing the people who went out of their way to try to destroy my career along with seeing the Eggplant, combined with my trepidation about working with the interview killer from my new gig, had me feeling pretty "off" for a good part of the morning. So during the first break, Ms.J told me straight up that I needed to thicken the old skin and not forget who I am, what I'm capable of doing, and what my future holds(and I'm really gonna work on getting back the thick skin I USED to have because I'm gonna need it for med school). So about 5 of us ladies formed what in retrospect should be called a prayer circle because it turns out that ALL of us are dealing with some levels of the same crap on the J.O.B. They have handled it/are handling it with the upmost of peace and grace, and me not so much. But when Ms. P started praying right then and there, I thought I was gonna get my shout on, LOL!!!! She reminded me that grace and peace are already given to us by God, but that we often forget that when we find ourselves dealing with negative situations and people. And that's exactly what the devil wants us to do because it's causes us to loose focus, get off our "game". So no sooner than Ms.P finished quoting scripture than Uncle Tomasina and crew walk by. And all I could feel was the biggest sense of peace, accomplishment, and grace. Then I claimed VICTORY!!!!!



I've had a LOT of time over the past few months to think about who I am, where I am, and where I want to be after 2 years of having the best and worst employment expereinces in my career. And what I realize is that I always have to remind myself that I am a child of the most high God, who has already blessed me in so many ways and brought me through so many things, that I have NO REASON to doubt His power and presence in my life now. But the most important thing I have to remember is that many "battles" in life are NOT mine to fight. I've got to work on knowing when to "fight" and when to let peace be still. And like Ms. P said, I don't need to pray for peace and grace because God's already given me those things, I simply have to walk in the faith that when I need it most, both peace and grace WILL be there. Just as it's always been!

Now I'll leave you with one of my ultimate favorite videos during trying times, so please put your hands together for Mary, Mary's God in Me:

I blog, you blog, we ALL blog???

Only recently have I started to look around the net, reading blog after blog, trying to figure out what the hell everyone has to talk about that they think someone else would actually want to read it? Well I guess it turns out that a LOT of people have a LOT to talk about that apparently a LOT of people want to read about. Case in point, THIS blog, this spelling error filled, Edgar Allen 'NO' like, grammar check needing blog that ~75 people read on a VERY regular basis. I've gone off the deep end on Black people, white women, and everyone in between. I've been angry, happy, academically confused, content, and otherwise VERY agitated that I can't seem to find "career satisfaction", yet people still regularly read, so what gives?

When I started writing this blog my original thought was that I needed to reassure those of us who were unceremoniously told to leave college (i.e who flunked out) that there was academic life after being academically kicked out of school. And although I have a special place in my academic heart for those who come form low income backgrounds and underrepresented minorities, I'm happy with the thought that anyone can find inspiration from what I've been through and are able to carve their own path to success.

But what I've got back in return from blogging, I never in a million years saw coming. I've "met" some really wonderful people that I could never have met in real life, 1) Because I hate to fly anywhere outside of for business reasons and 2) Having a family, career, and going to school doesn't leave much time for anything else, certainly not meeting other people.

And while there are certain aspects of my life that I keep private due in large part to the crazy world we live in and the quasi "threat" I received on premed site (for women) regarding a school I had intended to apply to in the past, I still feel like I've been true both to myself and to my readers. I mean really, how many people would admit to taking the MCAT multiple, multiple, times and getting kicked out of school, LOL???

So why is it that EVERYONE these days seems to be blogging? Is it a form of therapy as it occasionally is for me? Or are people somehow trying to heal the world with their words, which occasionally is NOT me? Most blogs I read leave me saying to myself, now this is the most boring 'ish I've ever read in my entire life! And the ones that fit those bills tend to be the ones that seem so damn perfect. As in, I graduated Summa Cume Laude from Ivy League University, was a Rhodes scholar after that, then attended Ivy League University 2 for law school, and now I'm a married mother of 2 darling boys, with a George Clooney look a like husband!!! And did I mention I'm on track to be partner working part-time? I mean really, NO ONE's life that I know in real life is that freakin' perfect, so can you pla-eeze keep it real lady? FYI, this isn't about hatin' as much as it is about the experience of my own mistakes and the mistakes I've seen happen in the lives of others. Like it's far easier to get into that Ivy League 2 school as a law student when your pops is a dean there, but you somehow left THAT important fact out. As for the George Clooney look alike husband, all the ones I know like that are a LOT like the real George Clooney relationship wise which IMHO, isn't all that conducive to long, term monogamous relationships. But of course, when you're blogging to the world about how perfect your life is, that's not a fact anyone is gonna bring up in conversation.

Anyhoo, I guess I like blogs that are a lot like mine, filled with happy days and sad days, rainbows and thunderstorms, hell raising and shout outs, because real life seems to work out just like that, like one hellva roller coaster ride!!!

One last thing, a BIG THANK YOU to the readers of this blog who apparently don't mind that my writing style is more Richard "wrong" than Richard Wright and who also enjoy roller coasters that have "drops" at 2G's and peaks to the moon, LOL!!! YOU keep me inspired to stay on this crazy a$$ path to med school as a middle age Black woman!!

I AM the master!!!!!!

I AM THE MCAT JEDI MASTER, LOL!!!

At least this is what I'm going to keep telling myself until 9/10/11. Tonight was another VERY good night with organic review and I'm pretty much back to the 80% in ALL subjects, including Organic. And like Superman with X-ray vision, I can spot the tricky wording in questions quite easily having finally gotten used to the MCAT test writing style, which quite frankly should have occurred to me 5 tests ago. The biggest difference THIS time? I haven't allowed myself to psyche myself out (does that make sense?) or crash and burn when I "peak" too early. I've also done so many passages I feel like I'm going regurgitate (or poop) MCAT passages anyway day now!! And now I declare that I am officially I'm SICK of MCAT passages!!

So again, another shout out to Berkeley Review for breakin' it all down like a fraction? Umm, that was kinda corny, I'm just so thankful I had the resources to purchase the books 3 or 4 years ago (what da'?). And I'm more thankful that I FINALLY have the mental wherewithal and motivation to get this damn test over with!! For real dough!!!

From junk to treasure

This past Saturday, my daughter and I got up early to do one of my ALL time favorite things, shop local Goodwill and Salvation Army stores looking for old china, and boy did we have a GREAT time!! For those who are into second hand stores and what not, DC is has some of the best "stores" of ANY area I've ever lived in! And even though I've lived in metro DC 10 years this Fall, there are still many, many places I've never been or seen so whenever we decide to explore the area, we always get lost! And Saturday was a beautiful day to get lost tyring to find the Goodwill and Salvation Army stores!

Almost everyone I know collects something, and that something for me is a tea cup with a matching saucer. Since I was 11, I've always collected old china and Saturday I found more beautiful pieces than I'd seen in almost a year of looking. Now, I'm what they call seriously frugal so when I found a beautiful set at a Goodwill in Annapolis a few months ago, I simply refused to pay $6 for a single tea cup and saucer. However at one DC Goodwill, I found 4 different sets for a total of about ~45 pieces including a few that had matching plates, bowls, ect and paid ~$18 for everything. The picture with this post is of my favorite in the group.

Hopefully, everyone has something they do to relax and for me, nothing in the world makes me feel as good as having a cup of peppermint tea in one of my special "finds". And I so throughly enjoy drinking tea from a beautiful piece of art, masquerading as a tea cup!!!!

On to the MCAT, I've started again with my Organic review while also trying to finish up Chemistry and Physics. At this point, my study plan has NO rhyme or reason other than it's working for me, so I'm rolling with it! And also thinking about how I will need to approach my study for the boards, deciding the key to that will be to decide what my weak areas are (and those most certainly will NOT be either histology/pathology, LOL) and also which study materials I need. Recognizing that I have a photographic memory I think significantly changes how I need to learn vast amounts of info, so I've played up my strengths in study prep for the MCAT in an effort to get this together NOW. And I think it will be real interesting to see if this works for me when I take the real thing because if it does, I'll most certainly want to pass it on to others. To go from a 17M (taken the night after partying ALL night long in 1991) to a 30 something Q, would likely be a story MANY would want to hear, LOL!!!!

Finally, I need to share with my readers a blog I found which is probably one of the best personal/medical blogs on the net. "Reflections of a Grady Doctor" is an amazing story of life as a Doc at an urban hospital, combined with motherhood and matrimony. Please take a moment to check it out as I HIGHLY recommend it!