Career BLISS!!!!!

So I had my interview at the NIH yesterday and even though I didn't leave with a fellowship per se', I DID leave with so much more!!! First, I have added another mentor to my short list of mentors. And what that means in VERY explicit terms is that I have someone who knows my age and GREATLY supports my MD/PhD goals too! In fact, I didn't mention anything about MD/PhD at all initially but towards the end of our meeting he stopped me mid sentence and said the following: "I really think you should consider the MD/PhD program given what your goals are". And my mouth literally dropped to the floor, LOL!! I usually make it a habit to be upfront about what I'm planning to pursue, but the older I get, the less support I have for going back to school, much less med school via an MD/PhD program. And the fact that the last person that poo-pooed my idea was a Black woman Scientist, really makes me hesitant about talking about anything other than earning an MD.

So of course when he mentioned that, our conversation went on another 15 or so minutes with me fessing up to my ultimate goals and seeing a smile so wide come across his face I thought he'd wear a permanent smile for the rest of his life. And like so many of the folks I've met at the NIH over the years, he's very committed to not only training the next generation of Physician-Scientists, but in ensuring some of those are Black folks too. And THAT makes a HUGE difference to me.

And here's a video that pretty much sums up how I felt leaving my meeting yesterday where I was so excited, that I left my purse AND iPAd, LOL!!!!




Now I have a list of about 5 people, 3 of them minority, that I need to follow up with about securing a predoctoral fellowship for a start date of ~ 2013. And as my new mentor/future PhD committee member Dr.B mentioned, I need to make sure that I spend the next 2 years building a foundation for a project that I can eventually complete as my dissertation research. And having a solid project along with financial support from the NIH for an MD/PhD program should in combo with my overall application package, make me a pretty competitive applicant for someones MD/PhD programs.

Speaking of PhD programs, I'm still enjoying my Bioinformatics programming course, but I've now decided with about 95% certainty to study the more broader field of Medical Informatics instead. First, this will allow me to leverage my extensive exposure in Pathology since 75% of a medical record is made of up of labs/pathology reports. Second, there's a strong future for folks trained in how to process, analyze, and apply information contained in medical records into data which can be used to improve patient care. And third, I realized that because my goal is medical school, Bioinformatics in and of itself, just isn't "clinical" enough for me, otherwise I'd be happy to just get a PhD in that and go on with life.

Now at this time, I'd like to give a public shout to a long time reader of my blog who is also a nontrad woman of color with plans to become an MD. And like so many of the encouraging messages I get from my readers, this message was soooooo right on time! So a HUGE thank you to 3DMOM, and please get in touch with me when you're preparing for your MCATS!!!

Finally, I want to end this post with the following message. No matter who you are or where you are in your life, there's ALWAYS going to be people who WILL support whatever goal you have in life, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS REACH OUT TO THEM!! Now this may require some "cold calls/emails" and you won't always receive a response back. But you MUST keep trying because I'm a strong believer that your destiny really is depended on your words, but more importantly your ACTIONS!!! So get to it!!!!

Career FRUSTRATION!!!!!!

Yeah, frustrated is the EXACT word I'd use to describe how I'm feeling career wise these days. And the fact that I've spent a good portion of the past few years wasting my time in Pharma, working with and around people with NO moral compass, angers me even more! URGH!! I'm STILL trying to figure out exact what da' hell I was supposed to learn being around folks like that other then to stay the hell away from them. Okay, let me state for the record, I totally get that there are unethical folks EVERYWHERE. But when I think about all the problems in the news relating to drugs and drug products and put that with that together with what I frequently saw with my own eyes, it's a sad revelation about where we are as people, human beings. That "collateral damage" is factored into a companies bottom line when producing drugs/drug products.

So why am I considering applying for a local job with a starting salary of 115K and a salary range to 160K at a local Pharma company? Let's be real, it IS about the moolah, but on a certain level, I keep telling myself that this on could be different from the others...........yeah.......right, LOL!!!! On a smaller level, it's about me looking around at my people my age and feeling waaaaaayyyyy behind the eight ball so to speak, where my career is concerned. So I get that I should feel blessed to even have the options I do given that so many Scientists are under or unemployed, but still. I sometime can't help that feeling of being so far behind my peers when it comes to careers, and the fact that I regularly pass on opportunities doesn't help at all!!!

But what does help are those everyday reminders that I'm in this medical career thing for the long haul. Seeing the homeless person on the corner with open sores on his arms and thinking to myself that I sure could do a LOT of good as a volunteer Doc at a homeless clinic. Or reading the stats on the dismal survival rates from breast cancer of Black women in metro DC. Or bumping into one of my numerous supporters who remind me of when I'm applying to med school and/or what I'm doing as far as my application is concerned. Speaking of application, I recently looked at my personal statements over the years since my first med school app in 1991, and it's amazing to look at how much I've changed and grown. Equally amazing in the thought that every single experience I've had since then will in some significant way contribute to making me the kind of Doc I'm supposed to be. And to think of becoming a Doc without having had these experiences first seems rather strange and unnatural. I have a strong sense that despite a VERY late start in all this, I'm going to make up for passed time (NOT lost time) and before you know it, I'll BE the practicing Doc, balancing my life as a Clinician, Researcher, and Teacher. So with that thought in mind, it's VERY easy for me to think of my start at the NIH next month (yes, I'm claiming it!!) as the first step in what will hopefully be a long term career there, beginning as a predoc/premed, to MD/PhD student, followed by Residency/Fellowship, and ending as a Clinical Associate (no tenure track rat race for me, LOL!!)

Who ARE you?

So I met with a micro student on Sunday and it was almost 45 mins before I started the tutoring session, and this was a big deal for me because I'm NEVER late for ANYTHING EVER!!!!

Turns out I passed the woman at the elevator and putting it straight to the point, racial stereotyping is why I completely missed who I was supposed to be meeting with. So what exactly does that mean? That means that I assumed a Korean woman wouldn't be looking for a Black woman to tutor her in anything, and yeah, I'm pretty clear on how dumb an assumption that was.

Now she had seen a pic of me before she contacted me to tutor her and her mix up was in thinking I was White, as in she thought the pic she saw of me looked like a White woman, LOL!! Man, when she told me that I interrupted the entire library with my laughter because I don't think I look white at all. Below, is the picture that caused all the confusion:

I see a light-skinned black woman in that pic, but she saw a white woman, LOL!!! And for the record I'm genetically mixed raced, but check the "black box" because of my cultural identity. Anyhoo, meeting her reminded me of just how much even people who consider themselves racially open minded like me, can subconsciously make assumptions about folks, like assuming an Asian student wouldn't need tutoring in a science class. Not only was that ignorant on my part, but the fact that half of the students I tutor are Asian, a fact I didn't realize until Sunday, should have made it real clear to me that needing help in school has nothing to do with race. More importantly, it could very well be that the strong presence of Asians in STEM fields relates to their ability to seek help when needed to master tough subjects not some cultural propensity toward STEM areas.

Moving on, my students evaluated me yesterday and I'm a little anxious about what my reviews were. I'm pretty sure my triflin' students let me have it and those I don't really care about. But I DO care about what my other students think, especially my minority and disadvantaged students because a large part of my purpose in teaching at all is to motivate them and be a role model. I also sincerely hope none of my students think I'm not trying to encourage them, because the exact opposite is true. I mean, I'm tough, but I'm fair. And when I think about my disadvantaged students, it's a LOT easier to identify them than one would think and often, they are the students who have low self-esteem which I can also pick up on. The ones who I KNOW work more than one job to make ends meet, really tug at my heart strings because I think getting a good education is so much harder for low income folks than it used to be. I guess I'll get the results back sometime next week and when I do, I'll be sure to share them............I think, LOL!!!!

October 2012's 10 for the road!!!

It's that time again, for me to list a few of the things going on in my life these days. So here goes:

1) Despite my strong dislike of big Pharma, it's VERY hard to keep turning down opportunities to interview for jobs with an average salary of 120K!!URGH!!!

2) I've ALWAYS been convinced that the reason God placed a child in my womb in January of 1996 was so that she would be born in October 1996, forever changing what had previously been a depressing month for me due to murder in 1982, of a very close childhood friend.

3) I've been asked to teach full-time at the university I'm currently teaching at and it came as a complete surprise. And while I thoroughly enjoy teaching, I also need the intellectual stimulation of "practicing" what I teach.

4) I had a phone interview for a position at the NCI doing data analysis and yeah, I'm happy about it!!! And I also have my NIH fellowship interview later this week too! Go Feds!!

5) Kiddo was promoted from doubles play to singles play on the tennis team just in time for county tournaments! And this came from no where because I'd temporarily pulled her from the team when she let her Honors math grade go to "D" level. Not surprisingly, her average since then has been 97%, so she was allowed to rejoin the team, and get promoted!!

6) I heard from another parent that the party with the chocolate f**king fountain had a little visit from the local police department. Can you say not f**king surprised, lol?

7) I wish my programming course was taught by a Molecular Biologist instead of a Computer Programmer. Thanks to the internet though, I found a superb resource for suppplimenting my learning Python which not ironically, is taught by a Molecular Biologist.

8) I actually had some extremely rare moments this week where I thought about NOT going to med school. Then I had a cup of my favorite black tea, and quickly snapped out of it!

9)I'm so glad the President decided to "wake up" and actually debate Romney last time around. That initial performance was shameful!

10) Finally, I'm beginning work today with a college student taking Microbiology and I'm so looking forward to it! Microbiology was a one of my favorite subjects in college and grad school!!

Not THAT again and chocolate f**king fountains

Last week I attended a Biomedical Informatics Symposium held at a local university and I probably don't need to say that I had a great time! And now seems to be the exact right time to have an interest in both medicine and Biomedical Informatics and it;s kinda nice because I'm doing the Biomedical Informatics stuff before med school.

Anyhoo, there were lots of different speakers but of course, the ones who most grabbed my attention were the ones who were MD's trained in the field. And much to my NON surprise, the talk that interested me the most was from a board certified , wait for it......., Pathologist! Now my very first thought was "here we go again", the field of Pathology creeping up into my future after I was reasonably sure that patient care would be it for me! Still, I have no immediate intention of changing my focus from care of the underserved at at academic institution, but the reason I haven't removed my interest in the field from my blog bio is because there's still a possibility I may go in the Pathology direction instead.

Last week was also when I realized how exhausting my schedule is, with me travelling between 3 states (DC, VA, and MD) on a regular basis during the week. But despite the driving and quite frankly the cost of driving, I wouldn't trade if for the misery that was working in big pharma for anything in the world!!

So with homecoming just around the corner at my daughter's high school, imagine my surprise when she came home with the following announcement of a party being held by the "cool kids" at her school. Here it is below, and I think it speaks for itself:

Now I'd like to think that I'm a pretty cool Mom, but THIS is pushing it even for me! Anyone who remembers my blog about the "broweeds" being passed around school a couple years back (that's slang for a brownie with something "special" in it) probably isn't be surprised that the "author" of this announcement was also the "passer" of the broweed too. And all of this is yet another reminder that kids in the 'hood ain't got 'ish on kids in the 'burbs when it comes to stuff like this (and I was SOOOOO tempted to use that "other" "S" word!!!).

All that said, when I originally read the "memo", I read it the absolute wrong way, interpreting that first line as 3 individual words instead of one sentence which REALLY set me off the deep end because the meaning is significantly changed! And I was ready to start calling some parents on it until I took a deep breath and calmed down a bit.

At any rate, I probably don't need to tell you that my kid will NOT be attending the party with the chocolate f**king fountain!

The workplace delimma of US born Scientists and a "no show"

I'm just going to flat out say it, I think it's WRONG for a US born and trained Scientist to have to compete to a significant degree with Foreign born Scientists, especially in a recession ( which I think is still at play in the US economy). Just as former military folks have preference for federal jobs, US training scientists should have some preferences too!

Why? Because the 'ish ain't right OR fair and like many other things in the US, the groups of people who deal with the consequences the most are those in the minority in certain fields, and I'm not just talking about racial minorities. I'm talking about the disabled, the poor ( or those whose backgrounds don't buy them very many advantages), women (especially in fields like computer science and engineering), AND under represented minorities, like Puerto Ricans, Blacks, ect. Recently a former big pharma colleague of mine whose from Africa, attended a Biosciences career fair where she said that from her observations, English was maybe the third or forth language being spoken with Asian languages topping the list. WOW! Now I've heard since the 80's that there aren't enough US born folks going into PhD type careers thus the need to import them from elsewhere. But I wonder if it has ever occurred to anyone that perhaps the reason why is because of the overall poor job market for these careers which is fueled by the strong presence of Immigrants? In comparison, I'm thinking it would be cold day in Hades before a similar thing happened in medicine, though it does seem that number of Americans are using the services of Foreign hospitals in an effort to manage their medical expenses. But a Foreign born Physician take over of the US medical profession? I just don't see that happening ever. It's just too bad that the PhD world isn't being protected in the same way which is why I NEVER advised anyone interested in a research career to go the PhD only route. You gotta' combine that with some sort of clinical training too( DO, MD, PharmD, ect) in order to secure your future employment prospects. Now for the record, let me state that I think immigration is a big part of what makes this country special. But if folks born here consistently have a difficult time getting a decent job, then we need to rethink a few things.

Moving on, I'm still behind in my Python course but that's mainly because I've got too much on my proverbial plate these days. Luckily for me, my prof is allowing me to go at my own pace which is a tremendous help, and I'm VERY thankful. Things are also moving along in the meanie moo lab and I always try to remind myself not to get too caught up in my PI's attitude since 1) she's like that with EVERYONE, 2) I really do enjoy what I'm doing in her lab, and 3) I'm learning so many new things! My eyeball rolling teenager also recently turned "sweet 16" and it was pretty unceremonious in that she spent the day in school and the night studying for a major test in Pre-calculus.But she's back to being her usually sweet self, so I'm glad!

Finally, I want to mention how my interview went. Or maybe I should say didn't go, I interviewed with 5 of the 6 people I'd be working with on the same day. But by the day of the interview, the 6th person had already rescheduled with me twice due to her "schedule". Cool, so we reschedule for the next week on a day that I would normally be in the lab, with an appointment set at 10AM. So 10:15 rolls around and I hadn't heard from her, so I emailed my contact in HR to make sure I wasn't supposed to be calling in (which you KNOW I was already clear on before, but whatever). She emails me ~ 10 mins later to say that the woman would call soon. Now 10:30 rolls around, then 10:45, then 11:00, then 11:15, and I STILL hadn't heard ANYTHING from this woman! So at 11:15 when I needed to be in the lab 15 minutes earlier, I called and emailed HR to let them know that I hadn't heard from the woman. And that was over 8 days ago, and I STILL haven't heard a thing back from ANYONE at this company!!!

In my previous post, I asked the rhetorical question about which I would choose if given one between this gig and the lower paying, but more directly tied to my future position at the NIH. Well after this experience, I'm sure it will come as NO surprise which gig I'd choose. I mean really, who in the hell wants a rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful future employer when you already KNOW going in, they're going to treat you like a HUGE pile of crap? No, I don't have ANY more lessons to learn about where I need to work and the places I need to avoid like the plague!

Be-hind!!!

.... Is the story of my life for the past 2 weeks as in I can't get caught up in my Python class!! URGH!!! So, I'm going to stay out of the meanie moo lab I'm working in for the rest of the week until I get caught up ( meanie moo was the term my daughter used to call me when she was a little girl and I put her on punishment, lol). Speaking of lab, my first PCR reaction worked like a charm but the next steps will have to wait until next week.

Other news, I have an interview with a company that contracts with the NIH doing bioinformatics, data analysis, and epidemiology which is pretty much a career trifecta for me for now. And I used to work for folks who worked there when I was at the NCI so I have a very good feel on the companies "environment". But I also have an interview for an NIH fellowship in Bioinformatics this week too and I have NO idea which I'd choose if I had a choice. On the one hand, the choice should be obvious ( take the "real" job) but on the other, I know my academic goals would be FAR better supported at the NIH. So, I'm gonna pray about it and leave the rest to God!