My Mom's in town for ten looooonnnnnggg days, so I don't have much to report today unless you're interested in me complaining about her rearranging everything in MY kitchen and other boring things, LOL!!
But I did take the EK verbal exam 7, and scored an "11", so I have managed to get something done even if I can't find anything in my kitchen anymore!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
I've got 99 problems, but a B!tch ain't one!!!
My mother, a HUGE Jay-Z fan, was the one who had to break down the meaning of Jay-Z's song "I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one" because the first time I heard it, I just didn't get it! But today after a meeting between my Supv, her Supv, and a rep from HR, I was BLASTING this song from my car as I left from work today! Only it was the plural form!!!
Now let's not get it twisted, I had the week from pure hell this week at work, but I LOVE reminding myself that people make a BIG mistake when they underestimate how well I play the "game", especially at work!! So the casualty this week was Devil tech, and an I'll advised tag team effort between Devil Tech and the Tech otherwise know as the one less with personality than an eggplant, LOL!!! Yeah tag team, WWF style!!! Apparently I'm rude and dictatorial, to which my response was and I borrow a line from Tom Hanks, "There is NO CRYING in science, LOL""!! Now I'll be the FIRST to say it, I'm tough to work for, but that very often depends on how lazy, triflin', and full of shit you are. And the fact that I was raised by a Marine and I recently worked on a military base, probably has contributed to my "dictatorial" style. But I get the job done as evidenced by the feedback I'm getting from PI's that I've work with. I can also admit that when you're used to working around superstars/wannabe super stars, it's a difficult adjustment to work with a devil who's ONLY interested in a paycheck and an eggplant.
Personally, I think it's the touchy feely world we live in today that's the problem. People want a pat on the back when they screw up which is so NOT me. Having been a teacher though, I do understand that positive enforcement is key. So in the spirit of let's see if what was reported to HR about me is true, I had lunch with 2 people who used to work under me who when I got done telling some of the story, probably wanted to salute me Hitler style when I finished, LOL!! (and to all my Jewish readers, I have Jewish ancestors/relatives too, so chill out on getting offended by my reference to Hitler). OTOH, I think I LOT of things are about intention and motive and since I had recently strongly recommended the Eggplant get put on a paper in addition to supporting and providing training for her to be promoted, I was quite frankly hurt and felt very betrayed by her. But I was never once surprised and know that one day sooner than later, she's gonna regret putting a knife in the back of someone who ultimately was trying to help. And by regret, I mean she'll learn real fast that not many people are gonna give a flyin' phuck if she gets a promotion and/or credit for her work because Science is real cut throat like that!
So given how bad things were at one point this week, I know it wasn't ironic that a VERY high ranking government employed mentor of mine informed me by email today that a position doing my exact same job is open at HIS agency. Can you say, fill out that damn app ASAP??? Not so fast........I need to really think this over because the position is so high ranking and pays well over 6 figures. Of course, I'd like more money, but not the distractions of very high pay. I also think fine tuning my management style in my current position would be good for me. More than that, my current gig does a very good job of reminding me that there's so much more I could do in my life where Pathology is concerned and for that reminder, I'm beyond thankful!!!
Now let's not get it twisted, I had the week from pure hell this week at work, but I LOVE reminding myself that people make a BIG mistake when they underestimate how well I play the "game", especially at work!! So the casualty this week was Devil tech, and an I'll advised tag team effort between Devil Tech and the Tech otherwise know as the one less with personality than an eggplant, LOL!!! Yeah tag team, WWF style!!! Apparently I'm rude and dictatorial, to which my response was and I borrow a line from Tom Hanks, "There is NO CRYING in science, LOL""!! Now I'll be the FIRST to say it, I'm tough to work for, but that very often depends on how lazy, triflin', and full of shit you are. And the fact that I was raised by a Marine and I recently worked on a military base, probably has contributed to my "dictatorial" style. But I get the job done as evidenced by the feedback I'm getting from PI's that I've work with. I can also admit that when you're used to working around superstars/wannabe super stars, it's a difficult adjustment to work with a devil who's ONLY interested in a paycheck and an eggplant.
Personally, I think it's the touchy feely world we live in today that's the problem. People want a pat on the back when they screw up which is so NOT me. Having been a teacher though, I do understand that positive enforcement is key. So in the spirit of let's see if what was reported to HR about me is true, I had lunch with 2 people who used to work under me who when I got done telling some of the story, probably wanted to salute me Hitler style when I finished, LOL!! (and to all my Jewish readers, I have Jewish ancestors/relatives too, so chill out on getting offended by my reference to Hitler). OTOH, I think I LOT of things are about intention and motive and since I had recently strongly recommended the Eggplant get put on a paper in addition to supporting and providing training for her to be promoted, I was quite frankly hurt and felt very betrayed by her. But I was never once surprised and know that one day sooner than later, she's gonna regret putting a knife in the back of someone who ultimately was trying to help. And by regret, I mean she'll learn real fast that not many people are gonna give a flyin' phuck if she gets a promotion and/or credit for her work because Science is real cut throat like that!
So given how bad things were at one point this week, I know it wasn't ironic that a VERY high ranking government employed mentor of mine informed me by email today that a position doing my exact same job is open at HIS agency. Can you say, fill out that damn app ASAP??? Not so fast........I need to really think this over because the position is so high ranking and pays well over 6 figures. Of course, I'd like more money, but not the distractions of very high pay. I also think fine tuning my management style in my current position would be good for me. More than that, my current gig does a very good job of reminding me that there's so much more I could do in my life where Pathology is concerned and for that reminder, I'm beyond thankful!!!
Friday, October 22, 2010
That's interesting, but you're not an MD!!!
So far, one of the issues I haven't had to deal with yet is being strenuously "challenged" when I make recommendations about the histopathological design of the projects I work on with PI's. And I say so far because I know it's coming, LOL!!!. But what I ALWAYS find interesting is when I communicate with MD's NOT, NOT, NOT involved in ANY way in research, they sometimes question my findings/observations when I mentioned something I either worked on or have read the literature extensively about. But what kills me, in a laughing at your uninformed ass kinda way, is when a MD in an area TOTALLY UNrelated to their area of expertise or even better a med student who likely has NEVER had a real job, much less done any real research, "challenges" a Scientist on something, well....., scientific!!! News flash to the uninformed, med school teaches you to be a clinician NOT a "scientist", and their's so much confusion that it's not only baffling but laughable!!!! My favorite line, STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE!!!!!
Why this seems so hard for some clinicians is beyond me but I often ask myself, how many preventable deaths are attributable to some Clinician dipping in someone's else's area of expertise? Kinda like the "recommended" surgeon I went to 6 years ago who figured because she was a trained in general areas, she could do breast too? And I have the scar to prove it!!! Personally, I try to "shut up and listen" when someone who knows more than I do is speaking and unlike other folks, I don't judge this by the letters behind a person's name.
Other news, I was again praised for my work, this time at our quarterly department meeting and like I've said before, it feels real good to not only have your hard work recognized but be paid well too! As for the job itself, I realized that I'm dealing with 2 opposite but equally annoying personality types in my Techs, one that's passive aggressive and the other who's much more "in your face". And like I said, BOTH equally annoying!!! Like other things in life which teaches us things, I realize that I need to really tighten up on my management "style" and in doing so, I came to a realization. MInority supervisors/managers can ill afford to not be taken seriously in their roles because doing so will invariable cause those who work under you to not take you as seriously as they should. NOW, I throughly understand why when I would come across one of the extremely small numbers of URM's in positions of leadership in Science and Research, they ALWAYS came across as stand offish. I realize now that their "attitude's" were more about their professional survival than representations of who they really were. So over the past few days, I've been pulling up on the friendly/ reasonably talkative person, in exchange for the "I'm here to get a job done", and leave the personal stuff at home!!
Finally, I did some MCAT review this week, Ct. 2 of the Chemistry book and only scored an "8", so I'll need to go over the problems I got wrong over the weekend. In this case, the problem wasn't changing answers or not understanding the problems, these were math errors, one of the silliest of all!! And luckily, one of the easiest to fix!
Why this seems so hard for some clinicians is beyond me but I often ask myself, how many preventable deaths are attributable to some Clinician dipping in someone's else's area of expertise? Kinda like the "recommended" surgeon I went to 6 years ago who figured because she was a trained in general areas, she could do breast too? And I have the scar to prove it!!! Personally, I try to "shut up and listen" when someone who knows more than I do is speaking and unlike other folks, I don't judge this by the letters behind a person's name.
Other news, I was again praised for my work, this time at our quarterly department meeting and like I've said before, it feels real good to not only have your hard work recognized but be paid well too! As for the job itself, I realized that I'm dealing with 2 opposite but equally annoying personality types in my Techs, one that's passive aggressive and the other who's much more "in your face". And like I said, BOTH equally annoying!!! Like other things in life which teaches us things, I realize that I need to really tighten up on my management "style" and in doing so, I came to a realization. MInority supervisors/managers can ill afford to not be taken seriously in their roles because doing so will invariable cause those who work under you to not take you as seriously as they should. NOW, I throughly understand why when I would come across one of the extremely small numbers of URM's in positions of leadership in Science and Research, they ALWAYS came across as stand offish. I realize now that their "attitude's" were more about their professional survival than representations of who they really were. So over the past few days, I've been pulling up on the friendly/ reasonably talkative person, in exchange for the "I'm here to get a job done", and leave the personal stuff at home!!
Finally, I did some MCAT review this week, Ct. 2 of the Chemistry book and only scored an "8", so I'll need to go over the problems I got wrong over the weekend. In this case, the problem wasn't changing answers or not understanding the problems, these were math errors, one of the silliest of all!! And luckily, one of the easiest to fix!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
My first soon to be published image.
Since I obviously have a strong interest in Pathology, I thought I'd share some of the images I create from the work done in my lab. Unfortunately, this won't be a publication for me (got on board too late), but I was happy to recommend one of my Techs get credit for her work!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Yeah, but are you willing to pay for it???
These days, I find myself spending more time on the premed site for nontrads Oldpremeds, more than I have in quite a long time. And the reason is that I find myself becoming more and more motivated to actually follow through again on plans for a career I've been interested in since I was 5 years old.
In recent years though, it seemed like med school admissions was getting tougher and tougher EVERY year so I spent the years between 2001 and 2010 wondering if I could get in again. But between the fact the Americans have health issues that are far worse now than for the previous generation thanks to the epidemic in obesity along with the ~33% increase in the number of med schools, I feel pretty confident in saying that I can earn a spot again somewhere. The question is how much is it going to cost and am I willing to pay for it?
The idea of being 500K in debt probably isn't appealing to many people but in the real scope of things, how adversely is a person's bottom line affected by that kind of investment in a well-paying career? You see I don't buy the argument that 500K debt is financially stifling because most of the doctors I know live in houses which cost FAR more than that! In other words, I don't hear many people question the idea of a Doc living in an enormous home but borrowing that kind of debt to have a career which could support that kinda mortgage seems to be a BIG no-no.
The way I see it, I have a couple things on my side. First, I've already done the fancy home/fancy car thing, so I won't feel the need to go out and buy "stuff" to make me "feel" and "look" like more of a Doctor. I think that by the time you reach my age, 44, you quickly realize that stuff is just stuff!! It doesn't define you or make you better than anyone else, and that if you don't already "have it going on", the stuff isn't gonna change that! Second, because of #1, living modestly through med school and residency won't be such a big deal. I'm not talking about having to eat ramen noodles though (yuck!), but I have no problems not shopping for stuff I don't need anyway on a far less regular basis.
Of course, all of this is a change from what I was thinking just a few weeks ago when I thought that if I couldn't get med school paid for, I would pass on the idea. I'm still going to shoot for programs which offer tuition and living expenses (except the military), but I'm not going to say flat out that borrowing a ton of money is out of the question either.
One thing you learn real fast when you're at the age where other people are at the peak of their careers as Doctor's, Lawyers, ect, ect. is that so many people waste money on frivolous things. So I often find myself asking people "how much is enough"? For example, does anyone really need to "upgrade" from an E350 to an S550, when the E350 is paid for? Is it really necessary to "upgrade from 2500 square feet to 5000 sq feet when 2500 is more than enough AND your nest will be empty? I figure as long as I ignore the "Jonse's" and focus on the prize my MD/PhD, I'll be just fine!
In recent years though, it seemed like med school admissions was getting tougher and tougher EVERY year so I spent the years between 2001 and 2010 wondering if I could get in again. But between the fact the Americans have health issues that are far worse now than for the previous generation thanks to the epidemic in obesity along with the ~33% increase in the number of med schools, I feel pretty confident in saying that I can earn a spot again somewhere. The question is how much is it going to cost and am I willing to pay for it?
The idea of being 500K in debt probably isn't appealing to many people but in the real scope of things, how adversely is a person's bottom line affected by that kind of investment in a well-paying career? You see I don't buy the argument that 500K debt is financially stifling because most of the doctors I know live in houses which cost FAR more than that! In other words, I don't hear many people question the idea of a Doc living in an enormous home but borrowing that kind of debt to have a career which could support that kinda mortgage seems to be a BIG no-no.
The way I see it, I have a couple things on my side. First, I've already done the fancy home/fancy car thing, so I won't feel the need to go out and buy "stuff" to make me "feel" and "look" like more of a Doctor. I think that by the time you reach my age, 44, you quickly realize that stuff is just stuff!! It doesn't define you or make you better than anyone else, and that if you don't already "have it going on", the stuff isn't gonna change that! Second, because of #1, living modestly through med school and residency won't be such a big deal. I'm not talking about having to eat ramen noodles though (yuck!), but I have no problems not shopping for stuff I don't need anyway on a far less regular basis.
Of course, all of this is a change from what I was thinking just a few weeks ago when I thought that if I couldn't get med school paid for, I would pass on the idea. I'm still going to shoot for programs which offer tuition and living expenses (except the military), but I'm not going to say flat out that borrowing a ton of money is out of the question either.
One thing you learn real fast when you're at the age where other people are at the peak of their careers as Doctor's, Lawyers, ect, ect. is that so many people waste money on frivolous things. So I often find myself asking people "how much is enough"? For example, does anyone really need to "upgrade" from an E350 to an S550, when the E350 is paid for? Is it really necessary to "upgrade from 2500 square feet to 5000 sq feet when 2500 is more than enough AND your nest will be empty? I figure as long as I ignore the "Jonse's" and focus on the prize my MD/PhD, I'll be just fine!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
What now?
I wonder how many times people ask themselves this question, now that I've achieved X,Y, and Z, what now? Then it occurs to me that the point at which a person runs out of answers to that question means that anything that resembles life probably also comes to an end as well.
I guess you can say that these days I'm spending a good amount of time contemplating life and death and that's probably because a week after my Aunt died, a distant cousin died of a massive heart attack at the age of 52. And I had just seen her at my Aunt's funeral. Here today, gone tomorrow.
But today I found myself asking the question, if what I'm doing now is ALL I'd do for the rest of my career, would I be happy with that? And the answer depends. My answer depends on whether or not I had been successful getting readmitted to med school or not. Has I tried and failed, then my answer would be yes, what I do now would be enough because I wouldn't have a choice, LOL!! But if I had not at least tried, and I mean REALLY tried, with NO more half-assed efforts on the MCAT, then what I do now would NEVER be enough.
So that brings me to my recent MCAT prep which is basically back at ground level but back on track just the same. I scored a "9" on General Chemistry Ct.1 in my TBR book. Yeah that ain't much, but it IS something!!
I guess you can say that these days I'm spending a good amount of time contemplating life and death and that's probably because a week after my Aunt died, a distant cousin died of a massive heart attack at the age of 52. And I had just seen her at my Aunt's funeral. Here today, gone tomorrow.
But today I found myself asking the question, if what I'm doing now is ALL I'd do for the rest of my career, would I be happy with that? And the answer depends. My answer depends on whether or not I had been successful getting readmitted to med school or not. Has I tried and failed, then my answer would be yes, what I do now would be enough because I wouldn't have a choice, LOL!! But if I had not at least tried, and I mean REALLY tried, with NO more half-assed efforts on the MCAT, then what I do now would NEVER be enough.
So that brings me to my recent MCAT prep which is basically back at ground level but back on track just the same. I scored a "9" on General Chemistry Ct.1 in my TBR book. Yeah that ain't much, but it IS something!!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Nontrad Moms and professional school = a no go???
I've spent some time over the past couple days mulling around the internet and it occurred to me that when it comes to medical school admissions as a nontrad, Moms seem to be at a distinct disadvantage (which is one reason I don't fret much that I've had to change my "timeline"). Why is it that Moms throw in the towel much more so it appears, than nontrad Dads? Unfortunately, the answer is pretty obvious to me, Moms are the backbone of the family so we tend to put our dreams on hold in favor of family.
Well, that's a position I have absolutely NO regrets or second thoughts about because I believe life is ALL about choices. IMHO, happiness is gained in large part with being happy/satisfied with the choices you make, while firm in the knowledge that you made the best choice you could at the time! Would I love to be a Pathologist right now? Abso-freakin-lutely!! But am I dissatisfied with my life right now because I'm not? NO WAY because I believe there's a reason I'm at this place in my life right now and that at the end of the day, it's all a small part of the bigger plan God has for my life! That said, I KNOW for sure that I would never be satisfied with where I am professionally in the long run because it's just not enough (and how many times have I said that?).
So for now, I'm quite content working side by side with Pathologists, designing experiments and consulting with PI's on their research projects. For me, it's all just well paying practice for when I do become the Physician/Scientist I'm convinced I'm supposed to be!!! :)
Well, that's a position I have absolutely NO regrets or second thoughts about because I believe life is ALL about choices. IMHO, happiness is gained in large part with being happy/satisfied with the choices you make, while firm in the knowledge that you made the best choice you could at the time! Would I love to be a Pathologist right now? Abso-freakin-lutely!! But am I dissatisfied with my life right now because I'm not? NO WAY because I believe there's a reason I'm at this place in my life right now and that at the end of the day, it's all a small part of the bigger plan God has for my life! That said, I KNOW for sure that I would never be satisfied with where I am professionally in the long run because it's just not enough (and how many times have I said that?).
So for now, I'm quite content working side by side with Pathologists, designing experiments and consulting with PI's on their research projects. For me, it's all just well paying practice for when I do become the Physician/Scientist I'm convinced I'm supposed to be!!! :)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Ok, I'm done pondering ignorance now, LOL!!!!
One of the really amazing things about the training I'm attending in Philly is that most of the participants are Pathologists, research oriented Pathologists to be exact. In other words, just my kinda people, LOL!!!! So when we have group assignments and such, I'm once again in the company of my all time favorite Doctors! And of course, I'm reminded of my own, now much more realistic and better timed plan, for becoming a Doctor too. Still, I have these lingering thoughts about how my current and future skills could really be well used as a Clinician, and of course, I'd have to decide which of the many clinical fields I'd like to specialize in! OK, I'm going to reel myself in because I'll obviously have to get accepted to med school again to make these thoughts more realistic. But it sure is nice to fantasize now!
Speaking of med school, one of my classmates attended Meharry Med school, did a Path residency at Howard, and is now at an Ivy League institution doing a post doc. He also completed his PhD first and is now looking to get training in Pathology Informatics too. Hmmmmmmm!! I say "Hmmm" because I've recently been offered the opportunity to complete a PhD while also working ( Uh oh, where have we heard this before, LOL??) except this time a PI has also stepped forward to supervise my research project. My resonse? Hell-to-da-naw!!!!Why? Because if Imma sweat like that, Imma be in med school sweating! And it occurred to me now that I'm back at the NIH and have met other people who either are thinking of doing the same thing or have done it, that getting a PhD while working full-time in a demanding job is the absolute most crazy thing I could do! I'd have 3 full-time "duties" on my plate, employee, PhD student, AND family woman!!!! I figured out that I can only juggle 2 knives in the air very well, so I'm going to be patient and stick to the "med school in the future" plan. But I'm also going to work on those projects with that PI in the hopes that I can get a few publications out in the next 2 to 3 years (and yes, I'm aware that publications + previous Master's could easily = PhD). What I am seriously considering is yet another MS in some area, ID or Pathology Informatics, taking one class at a time because hey, I LOVE school especially when it's free!!!!
Speaking of med school, one of my classmates attended Meharry Med school, did a Path residency at Howard, and is now at an Ivy League institution doing a post doc. He also completed his PhD first and is now looking to get training in Pathology Informatics too. Hmmmmmmm!! I say "Hmmm" because I've recently been offered the opportunity to complete a PhD while also working ( Uh oh, where have we heard this before, LOL??) except this time a PI has also stepped forward to supervise my research project. My resonse? Hell-to-da-naw!!!!Why? Because if Imma sweat like that, Imma be in med school sweating! And it occurred to me now that I'm back at the NIH and have met other people who either are thinking of doing the same thing or have done it, that getting a PhD while working full-time in a demanding job is the absolute most crazy thing I could do! I'd have 3 full-time "duties" on my plate, employee, PhD student, AND family woman!!!! I figured out that I can only juggle 2 knives in the air very well, so I'm going to be patient and stick to the "med school in the future" plan. But I'm also going to work on those projects with that PI in the hopes that I can get a few publications out in the next 2 to 3 years (and yes, I'm aware that publications + previous Master's could easily = PhD). What I am seriously considering is yet another MS in some area, ID or Pathology Informatics, taking one class at a time because hey, I LOVE school especially when it's free!!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Just another day in the city of brotherly love
So, it looks like my current gig is turning out to be everything I hoped for as I'm posting this from my hotel in Phily where I'm attending training in Pathology Informatics. YEAH ME!!!! Geez, I'm such a corn ball, LOL!! When I arrived last night, I realized that my someone at my office forgot to authorize credit card use to cover my hotel expenses. So in keeping in the spirit of "I didn't come all the way here from Metro DC to forge use of someone else's credit card", I promptly asked to see a manager when I was asked to provide my own credit card as proof that someone else was footing the hotel bill!!! Whatever!! Needless to say it was handled the way it should have been originally and I wish I could say that was the end on my hotel "challenges". The second occured during lunch the following day when I gathered a plate to take back to my room where my daughter was waiting to have lunch with me( FYI her lunch was served by hotel room service), only to be stopped by someone on the hotel staff and asked if I was supposed to be eating the food on my plate. His next statement was that he didn't see me in the conference room adjacent to where lunch was being served. Ok, cool, 'ol boy is having a bad day, maybe he didn't have his wheaties of something for breakfast. So now I check myself, I've got 4 college degrees including 2 MS degrees in Science, I'm well respected and paid on my job, yet I came all the way to Philly to steal food from someone else's lunch buffet?? And to top it all off, I'm actaully STAYING in the 5 star hotel where the conference is being held!!
Most times when things like this happens I'm cool, but I gotta admit I almost completely lost it this time. How in the hell, can a foreign born (Middle Eastern to be exact) food service worker be comfortable enough with himself to question Black woman in a suit and carrying a CoCo Chanel Handbag about stealing ~$6.00 worth of food off a lunch buffet???
I think Imma ponder that for a few days...........................................
Most times when things like this happens I'm cool, but I gotta admit I almost completely lost it this time. How in the hell, can a foreign born (Middle Eastern to be exact) food service worker be comfortable enough with himself to question Black woman in a suit and carrying a CoCo Chanel Handbag about stealing ~$6.00 worth of food off a lunch buffet???
I think Imma ponder that for a few days...........................................
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