Many days when I take a spare moment to contemplate where I am in my career, I come to the conclusion that I often don't know what da' hell to think. Yes, I'm enjoying being a part-time Chem prof, tutoring folks, and working on my certificate in Bioinformatics. But that missing thing for me is medical school and will be until I matriculate.
A couple days ago I was talking to a very close friend of mine when she said something that made me pause, then "check her" on that statement (not in a neck rolling way, LOL!). She said that she thinks that whatever God wants for us we already have. And my first thought was that that was the BIGGEST LIE I'd ever heard. Why? I'll explain with an example, I wasn't born with ANY education, so did that mean that God's plan was for me was to be ignorant for the rest of my life? Or what about when I finished my first college degree, did that mean that God only intended I have just one?
I don't think God's plan for us is to have just one "finish line" or goal in life, otherwise, what would be the point in living after you got there? I think God's plan is for us to live life as a series of success AND failures, and that each of those occurrences not only contributes to who we are and who we become. But those stories ultimately become our "life fabric". People say that when you hear a negative sounding "message" you should take into account the "messenger" because there's often some aspect of their own life they're unhappy, with when they can't share your dream. And while I value this woman's presence in my life VERY much, it's now pretty clear to me that I should keep my goals of becoming an MD/PhD to myself. I mean, we can still be cool, but I learned a LONG time ago that not everyone in your life is going to support whatever dream you have. And that's why you have to be REAL careful about whom you share it with. Nuff' said on that.....
Earlier today, I read an interesting article about reasons to get a PhD in Bioinformatics/Computational Biology and I was led there from an article about the differences between bioinformatics and computational biology fields. And that later article made a light bulb go off in my head. For YEARS, couldn't wrap my mind about being a "Bioinformatician" because it just didn't seem to "fit". But this article along with some research into the field more aptly describes how I see myself, in the field of Computational Biology as opposed to Bioinformatics. I guess for some, this is really splitting hairs, but "fit" has ALWAYS been important to me or I'd already have a PhD. I need my program to "fit" who I am. So what's my definition of Computational Biology? The use of computers for the analysis and intrepretation of Biological data, which means that all the work I've done in Pathology/Biomarkers comes into play BIG time!
Speaking of "fit", it seems appropriate in this crazy life of my mine that as soon as I "think" I've made a decision, something happens to throw a wrinkle in that "plan". I got word last night that I'll be starting a work-from-home gig in Bioinformatics in April according to the guy who recruited me for his new Biotech start-up company. Of course, as a Biotech start-up that start date could be anytime. And this means that we don't have to move for me to do what I want to be doing right now. And that's cool, because I was thinking earlier today that it would be kinda crazy to move now then have to move in 1.5 years for med school too.
So is this a lesson about my faith (or lack of) in God's plan for me? Seems so, I'm just looking forward to no longer being the butt of God's jokes when I talk about my ever changing "plans", ROTFL!!!!
Lastly, as I see myself morphing into a NEW woman (courtesy of peri-menopause, LOL), I'm thinking of changing not only my blog "name" but blog addy as well into something that reflects where I feel I am in my life right now. VERY clearly, Path may or may not be the "path" for me pun intended, and I want to make sure that I put as much open and positive stuff into the universe as I can.