Sunday, May 6, 2012

Living with purpose

While I'm a VERY spiritual person, I also know that not everyone believes as I do. But I've found myself re-reading portions of the book in this post a LOT lately.

Not sure if I've ever blogged about this before, but I've secretly had a LOT of issues with some of the animal research I've participated in over the last 7 or so years. And by having issues, I don't mean that I don't think animals shouldn't be used for research, I absolutely see it as a necessity. What I mean is that I've observed one too many times callous attitudes/poor treatment of the animals used in scientific research. And yes, the most abuses I've seen are/were in big Pharma. Some of the disease models I've seen like MS and cancer are absolutely horrific, so I'll spare the exact details. Let's just say that this is one of the MANY reasons I've got to get out of the path lab and onto projects that not only involve more direct or indirect patient contact, but so that I can use ALL of the talents I feel God has blessed me with.

Moving on, I wasn't feeling well today so I didn't get much done with my AMCAS application. But I've given myself until next Sunday to get it all done which I think is good considering all the other things I have going on. I've also been furiously applying to other gigs (man, I wish I could give all the details of what's going on my my current gig), and these positions are all OUT of the lab, and involve a LOT of public health type work.

Speaking of public health, I realize (again) that one of the things that draws me to this field is the fact that I always feel like I'm making a different in someone's life health wise. And part of my STRONG dissatisfaction with my current work and work in big Pharma in general, is that that feeling of making a difference in someone's life just isn't there for me. However, I also remember how kinda "bored" I was sometimes with epidemiology work and and how I longed to be in the lab because it involved more real "science" (man, how many times have I wished I had stayed or expanded where I was when I was there). And before I go too far, I'm NOT changing my professional mind again, LOL!!! It's simply that I can apply my interest in Bioinformatics into public health, though not as much as studying Public Health Informatics which doesn't involve enough hard core science for me. I'm thinking something along the lines of a cancer informatics/cancer epidemiology combo might be just the ticket. If I can find such an opportunity! Or maybe I can create one.....................

So I guess you can say that I have spent a LOT of time thinking about my short term life's purpose which has also involved re-reading some of my old blog posts (and a HUGE shout out to Kris and NJDR2b for helping me in my "evolution"). Living a life that's off purpose can be just a difficult and mind sapping as living one with no purpose at all. And while I don't think I fall in the later category, the former certainly has me written ALL OVER IT these days. But the beauty of this revelation is that I HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT TODAY, which is why despite not feeling well, I've been applying to jobs which involve data analysis, epidemiology, or Bioinformatics like a crazy woman in between resting/napping. Of course, those which also have a cancer "flavor" are most appealing but right now, I'll take it anyway I can get it!

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